Anger is the natural emotion humans feel in responding to a perceived threat, frustration, assault or obstruction to our humanity and who we are.
For men, anger is their most common and immediate response to the experience of physical or emotional pain and fear.
Often anger will show up most in a man’s relationship with his partner, and this can develop into violence toward her.
For a partner over time she becomes sick of living with fear, intimidation and humiliation, and usually in time, finds the strength to give him an ultimatum “You get fixed or I’ll get out”.
There needs to be a distinction between anger and violence. Anger is an emotion. Violence is what some people might do when they are angry, or even when they are not. Violence can be physical, emotional or spiritual.
For many men their softer emotions of fear and sadness have been covered or not expressed. They have been taught “Be a man. Be strong. Take control of your life – even if you fail. But don’t show your true feelings – especially your pain and fear”. They only have access to their anger. Anger can cover so much of a man’s personal pain.
The good news is that you can solve your anger problem. Not by berating yourself as sick or sinful, but by recognizing yourself as a human being with an emotional life experience as well as a rational one.
The challenge is not really to work against your anger, but to become aware of where it comes from. To maintain control of your anger and direct what you do with it.
Anger is not about control. It is about loss of control. For most men losing control is painful and fearful. You can feel vulnerable and feel like you’ve failed. Sometime men fear the consequences of losing control more than just about anything else. The pain of failure and the fear of losing control drives much of men’s anger.
The Hart Centre Australia has around 50 Psychologists in centres around Australia ready to help you manage your anger in individual anger management sessions. Contact the Hart Centre Phone 1300830552 for more details anger management and anger counselling.